Blood...of a Happy Variety

My reproductive system has been through an awful lot. My cervix has been chopped, burned and chopped again. It's been rushed to emergency with uncontrollable bleeding, slathered in paste and compressed with bandages. My ovaries have been engorged with eggs then stabbed with needles. They've been put into early menopause and I've experienced hot flushes, night sweats and joint pain as a result. I've been through chemotherapy that, to put it lightly, doesn't play nice with your reproductive bits, as well as four general anaesthetics, and a whole lot of emotional trauma. Not having a period for six months or so wasn't surprising. The doctors told me that it was early days. That, while it was possible that the chemo could have put me into permanent menopause, I shouldn't worry just yet.

So, when I started bleeding, there were mixed emotions. It should have been relief. Relief that my body was trying its very hardest to hold onto fertility. But, the last time I bled, I ended up in emergency. Mixed in with the terror that I could be sent back to hospital, was a tinge of wonder. Was it possible that my body, my reproductive system, was fighting to reclaim its former glory?

For three months prior, my body had been giving me signs. Every 28 days, my bowel was painful, my abdomen swelled, all of my insides hurt in ways they never had before. Something didn't feel right. Changes were happening. Then, just a few days before I started bleeding, I started crying. While at the climbing gym. If that's not hormonal PMS, I don't know what is. So now, a month later, I wait to see if my body can reproduce this miracle and do it again. Never have I wanted to bleed so much. And never have I wanted so badly to cry over something stupid.